can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
