Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His hands were made for my vagina.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I want her autograph on my taint
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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