People in love make me want to vomit
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
