if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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