My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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