he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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