none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
