Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
