you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
