Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
