We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize