We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
