Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
