we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
