Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
