a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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