I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
