She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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