Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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