haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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