You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
