so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
