If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
