My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
