I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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