# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
