It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
