At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize