from now on my penis is your penis
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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