im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My balls are so social today.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
