I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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