The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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