it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
