Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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