Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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