Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
