Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
