That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
