I'm eating all of the evidence.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
