So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
