That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
