ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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