Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
