Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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