so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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