Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
