dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
