Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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