I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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