Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
