Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize