How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
