I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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