I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
