i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Vodka?
Forever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
