non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I FOUND THE LEGS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
