hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So much rum. So many feels.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
