We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
