I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
