batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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