I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
