Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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