Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
