I accidentally burped into my bong.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
