It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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