mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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