The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
