He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
