Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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